Thursday, January 10, 2008

Proper Bawstonian

Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
Soda, or pop, is tonic.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for
Tonic WATER.
It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah.
It's not a trashcan;
it's a barrel.
It's not a spucky or grinder; it's a sub.
It's not a bra; it's a brar.
She's not you're 'ant,' she's your ahnt.
It's not Chinese food, it's American Chop Suey!
It's not the basement; it's the cella.
You don't live in a barn; but you might live in a bahn.
You don't leave; you 'book it outta here.'
It's not a highway shoulder; it's a breakdown lane
(or the lane where assholes drive when they're not
It's not a purse; it's a pockabook.
They're not
franks; they're haht dahgs.
It's not Cuba, it's cubar.
Police don't
drive patrol units or black and whites;
they drive a "crooza".
It's not a rubber band; it's an elastic.
They're not sprinkles; they're jimmies.
It's not a traffic circle or round-about;
it's a rotary.
It's not a liquor store; it's a packy.
It's not a convenient store; it's a spa.
It's not an idea; it's an idear.
It's not a town center;it's a square.
They're not shorts; they're shots.
If something's good, it's "pissa". If something's really
it's "wicked pissa."
Worcester is Wuhsta
Woburn is Wooban
Revere is Re-vee-ah
Peabody is Peabuddy
Waltham is Walth-ham
Gloucester is Glaw-sta
And where I grew up--- Somerville was Sum-a-ville
and Medford was Medfed.

Within said box, ye shall speakth as
the natives speakth

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