Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Blizzard Babies

This headline caught my eye. It sounds pretty funny. At first I pictured babies being immaculately conceived out of snow banks. But then of course I realized what it meant.
Anyone out there born in November 1978?

Are you a Blizzard of '78 baby?
The Blizzard of ’78 left millions of New Englanders trapped in their homes for up to five days. Widespread power outages led to candles, unavoidable romance, and -- nine months later -- a bevy of blizzard babies.

As the Boston Globe prepares for its 30th anniversary coverage of the storm, we want to hear from people born in November 1978 who can thank the blizzard for their birthday.

Please e-mail

Sunday, January 27, 2008

World's Tallest Living Man

My sister J was wrong, and admits it. At breakfast this morning she said the tallest living man was a Chinese man. I said I saw a show on Discovery, and it was a man from the Ukraine. Turns out I'm right, but only recently. The 2008 edition of the Guinness World Book of Records will list Leonid Stadnyk, age 36, at 8' 5.5", as the tallest living man. Bao Xishun (7'9") has been usurped.

How many 8ft. 5" men does it
take to screw in a light bulb?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Kitty Herding

It takes a real man to do a real man's job. Watch this video! Funny.

God knows I have enough trouble 'herding' my two felines......

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Female American Gladiators

Wow-wee! I've never seen this show, and have no interest in watching it really. But this introduction I came across is kind of titillating! I especially like Helga the Nordic Goddess!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Blue Beauty

My friend T just sent me this link. It's Astronaut Sunita Williams' pics of earth. Very beautiful. Look how lit up the Northeast is! Scroll through!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Beary UpDate

The little polar I featured last week now has her own website. Her name is Flocke, meaning snowflake in German, and, she's opened her eyes! Cute! Hopefully, all will continue to go well for little Flocke. Warning, though, her teeth are starting to come in! Below is a clip of her sleeping, snoring, farting, and screaming for food. Charming. (My cats did not like her cries)

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Puerto Rico- My Heart's Devotion

Recently my two illustrious friends-- N.C. & T. F.-- traveled to San Juan, Puerto Rico. It was 79 degrees & sunny every day (little stinkers). During their sojourn, they took many fantastic photos. I especially liked the San Juan Cemetery photos. There are also photos of Old San Juan. Awesome! Courtesy of N.C

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Jesus Saves.... My Parking Spot

What is it about Bostonians and their entitled parking spots? Is it like this in other cities?
Last year there was a guy across the street from my house. He was very short and stocky, so my mother called him "the hobbit". He was intimidating, though, unlike other hobbits. When it snowed he would vigorously shovel out in front of his house (even for two inches!), then put out the proverbial 'lawn chair' to 'save his space.' The trouble is, the lawn chair was still there in April, long after any snow had disappeared! Generally, he would glare or lock in (with his own massive truck) anyone that dared to park in front of his house, year round. I hate to tell him, but that's a PUBLIC space. And he had a
driveway too!
The Globe just featured a ----'send us your photos of parking spot savers'--- piece. Some people put out some funny stuff to mark their spot. The best one was this Jesus figure. I wonder if the wrath of God is any more effective in saving the spot? Perhaps until Easter?

The Lazy Person's Guide to New Year's Resolutions

Just in case it's hard for you to stick to some resolutions for this New Year, here are some very 'do-able' suggestions. Perhaps after checking off a few, you'll feel better.
  • sit on couch for 3 hours
  • take in air on a regular basis
  • eat 4x a day
  • gain 3 pounds in one day
  • sleep 10 hours 3x a week
  • call in sick to work 1x month
  • don't pay a bill for awhile
  • play the lottery 3x & idly dream about winning
  • don't read a book; scan the internet instead
  • oggle at women
  • boil water
  • go to 3 parties
  • walk 10 paces 5 times a day
  • swear 5x at another driver
  • hoot & holler for no reason
  • wear same underwear 3 days in a row, instead of 2

Monday, January 14, 2008

How Masculine or Feminine Are You?

You Are 57% Feminine, 43% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides.

You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you.

You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

Paula Poundstone

My sister sent me a link to Paula Poundstone's website today. I went and checked it out, and had a good laugh. Here are some audio clips of Poundstone's comedy. The first clip is called "Killed by Cinnamon," and the second is, "Parking." Especially pertinent for Bostonians. Hopefully you can link to both of them. She's pretty funny. Below is a clip of her early comedy, sometime in the late 1980's, I would guess.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Let Me Borrow That Top

Check out this YouTube video by comedian & songster Liam Sullivan. Very funny. His other video and song "Shoes," won the 2007 People's Choice Award for "Favorite User-Generated Video." Both clips feature his teenage character Kelly--"OMG. What a betch." Still, I prefer "Let Me Borrow That Top," featuring his earthy crunchy Aunt Susie & her girlfriend Maria, dweeby parents, 'retarrrded' twin brother, & drunk grandmother.

By the way, I hope folks have told Liam he looks like John Denver!

When Mediocre Things Happen To Mediocre People

We all know that Bad Things Happen to Good People, and, apparently Good Things Happen to Bad People, but most alarming is that Mediocre Things Happen to Mediocre People. Who can explain how these small triumphs and pleasant surprises happen to ordinary people on a daily basis?
Once again, in the spirit of the Onion, here are my headlines:

  1. Local Toddler Shapes Up Behavior & Moves From PreK to K
  2. B/C Average Student Accepted Into Salem State!
  3. Despite Wobbly Cart, Local Housewife Gets Food Shopping Done
  4. Downtown Accountant Completed 2 out of 10 New Years' Resolutions
  5. Old Man Wins 5 dollars on Scratch Ticket
  6. Teenager Rakes Yard Without Prompting By Parent
  7. Local Boy Finally Masters "Three Blind Mice" on the Piano
  8. Grandmother Succeeds in Not Overcooking Turkey This Year
  9. Recent Driver's Ed Student Parallel Parks With Date in Car
  10. IRS Admits Mistake;Reimburses Man 23 Dollars

Friday, January 11, 2008

When Good Things Happen to Bad People (or pets)

We all know that bad things happen to good people, & there are some books to deal with that issue, but, what about GOOD things happening to bad people (or pets)?
WHO can explain the
random acts of goodness and senseless gifts of fortune that happen to BAD (or at least annoying) people????? In the spirit of The Onion, I amused myself by thinking up these 10 headlines.
  1. Hardened Criminal Loved Ardently by Catholic Nun
  2. Spelling Bee Cheater Gets Into Harvard
  3. Cat that Clawed Owner Given Best Food on Market
  4. Car Thief Wins Lexus on Game Show
  5. Muffy, the dog that chewed 10,000 dollar rug, let out for airing
  6. Man That Cut Off School Bus Finds Loving Girlfriend
  7. Snake That Wrapped Around Owner's Neck Stars on Letterman
  8. Old Woman Who Cussed Out Daughter for Years Finds Bosom Friend at Nursing Home
  9. Man that Harassed English Teacher Given Top Library Position
  10. Shirker Frat Boy Becomes President of the United States

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Proper Bawstonian

Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
Soda, or pop, is tonic.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for
Tonic WATER.
It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah.
It's not a trashcan;
it's a barrel.
It's not a spucky or grinder; it's a sub.
It's not a bra; it's a brar.
She's not you're 'ant,' she's your ahnt.
It's not Chinese food, it's American Chop Suey!
It's not the basement; it's the cella.
You don't live in a barn; but you might live in a bahn.
You don't leave; you 'book it outta here.'
It's not a highway shoulder; it's a breakdown lane
(or the lane where assholes drive when they're not
It's not a purse; it's a pockabook.
They're not
franks; they're haht dahgs.
It's not Cuba, it's cubar.
Police don't
drive patrol units or black and whites;
they drive a "crooza".
It's not a rubber band; it's an elastic.
They're not sprinkles; they're jimmies.
It's not a traffic circle or round-about;
it's a rotary.
It's not a liquor store; it's a packy.
It's not a convenient store; it's a spa.
It's not an idea; it's an idear.
It's not a town center;it's a square.
They're not shorts; they're shots.
If something's good, it's "pissa". If something's really
it's "wicked pissa."
Worcester is Wuhsta
Woburn is Wooban
Revere is Re-vee-ah
Peabody is Peabuddy
Waltham is Walth-ham
Gloucester is Glaw-sta
And where I grew up--- Somerville was Sum-a-ville
and Medford was Medfed.

Within said box, ye shall speakth as
the natives speakth

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Beary Weary

Isn't this little polar bear, at the Nuremberg Zoo in Germany, is the cutest thing ever? At 4 weeks old & 3.75 pounds, the zookeepers decided to raise the cub, because its mother appeared to reject him/her (they don't know the sex yet).

Mother polar bears will often eat their young if rejected for some reason. Since polar bears are endangered, the scientists dutifully stepped in.

Before you call the zoo & ask for the adoption papers, remember that little cubby will grow to between 660 & 1,320 pounds or more, and "will eat anything it can kill." I guess that pretty much rules out joyous, carefree petdom in the American suburbs for little polar bear.
(And I thought my kitties were intrusive)

Sister Wendy

Have you ever seen Sister Wendy Beckett? She's a gem. A Catholic nun that has lived her life mostly in seclusion for years, she came on the scene in the early mid-90's as an astute art critic. Her television series, Sister Wendy's The Story of Painting, (1996) is referenced in many art history survey courses in many American colleges. I've yet to see her other PBS series, Sister Wendy's American Collection. (2001) or Sister Wendy's Grand Tour: Discovering Europe's Great Art (1996). In the past several years, she visited the most famous American Art museums to critique paintings, including Boston! She was also interviewed by Bill Moyers.

Unfortunately, Sister Wendy is often the subject of many a spoof on YouTube. Not only is she distinctive looking--- short, with buck teeth & glasses--- but she also has a clipped British accent that's tempting to imitate. Certainly one can't resist giggling to see a nun standing in front of a bulging fig leaf, or a bare naked lady, with a delighted grin. It's also funny to see her floating about in her habit, gliding along & lurking about in the world's most famous art museums. She cuts a strange figure. As Bill Moyers said, it's hard not to see the irony of a secluded nun becoming a television personality.

When it comes to analyzing art, though, the Sister is right on the mark. She speaks as a layman but has a wide breath of knowledge about art and history. Sister Wendy delves into certain 'subjects' you'd think our fair sister would not broach. But she does, & admirably well. Some gossip about the artists! She thoroughly loves art, & is true about it, & her enthusiasm is infectious!
Interviewing with Bill Moyers

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The First Female President?

Yahoo! Hillary Clinton Won the New Hampshire Primary!

She hath forsaken me

This morning my scooter would not start, & I missed riding on this relatively warm day!!!! Alas! Yesterday I had no problems, but today I tried to start her & she cranked out this sick, whining sound that landed with a sputter. Not a happy sound. I will apply whatever sorry mechanical skills I have, & hope for the best. Hopefully, I will not have to drag her to the mechanic guy, and have a senseless discussion about carburetors, pistons, & air valves, then a whopping bill. Any parts that need to be ordered of course will not be in stock, & have to come from Korea by canoe, & take 'six thousand years.' Wah. Wah. Wah.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

The L Word

It's hard to imagine the rest of the world slugging along living out its mundane existence....... unawares that the L Word premiered tonight. I went to watch the first episode at a fundraiser in Boston. My hard earned ten bucks went to the HRC, & I got to snuggle with hundreds of other gals (& a few gents) and watch the first episode of the L Word, season 5! After a couple of annoying ads & some pitching for the cause, all the L.A. gals were back in action. I found myself laughing a lot, at the so-called dramatic scenes and the humor. Of course everyone was deadly silent during the sex scenes.

Throughout the show there was some hooting, clapping, & perhaps crying, I'm not sure. At the end they gave out goodies, but I scooted home (quite literally). I had dreams all the way home on my motorbike that I won the raffle, & that my friends would claim the prize for me. The Grand Prize.... a poster signed by all the L Word stars! In L.A., tonight! Shipped to me tomorrow!

Alas, no one has called yet.
All in all, it was a great night. Saw lots of friends, & got to ride the wild scoot.
I was like a bear (well, maybe a cub) coming out of hibernation!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Das Bloomers

Man douses fire with aunt's underwear
Man grabbed underwear, doused it with water and tossed it over the fire

The Associated Press
updated 10:38 a.m. ET, Wed., Jan. 2, 2008

LONDON - From baggy knickers to the ultimate hotpants: Jenny Marsey's miraculous underwear saved the day by doubling as an emergency fire blanket when her kitchen caught alight.

Son John Marsey and his cousin Darren Lines were frying bread in her kitchen Sunday when fire broke out and Lines grabbed the nearest thing from a pile of washing to put it out — his aunt's billowing, extra-large, powder blue underwear.

He doused it with water, tossed it over the fire and put out the flames, said a spokesman for the local Cleveland Fire Brigade, speaking anonymously in line with department policy.

Lines' swift thinking saved the kitchen of the home at Hartlepool, northeast England, but left Marsey's underwear slightly scorched.

"It could have been a lot worse," said Marsey. "My family could have been in hospital but the knickers saved the day. I'm just grateful to the boys."

The fire brigade spokesman said that the general principle — using a large, wet cloth to cover a grease fire — was a sound one. As for using underwear: "Clearly it depends on what size you are," he said, "but I don't want to go there."

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Farts are Funny pt. 2

Awhile back I featured a farting baby. Now, I've come across something equally as amusing. Believe it or not..... There's actually a company called Pond Inc. selling a product called "Subtle Butt: Disposable Gas Neutralizers." For 9.95, you can get a pack of "Subtle Butt" pads, to discretely place in your undies, so in case you fart in mixed company the odor will be 'neutralized.'

I guess they can't do anything about the possible offending sounds....

The YouTube video advertising the product is absolutely hilarious.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Winter Wonderland

I got away for the past few days to the North Country----North Conway, N.H., for the New Year's weekend. It was a mighty pleasant (& needed) impromptu jaunt. Sunday we went snowshoeing on the Sawyer Road Trail in Bartlett, NH. Unfortunately, we did not know there were so many snow mobiles on this trail. But it was a clear day and mostly sunny! I didn't have proper winter boots, so I had to improvise (see below). My tootsies were toasty. We saw a dog sled team pass by, which I've never seen before. Some of the dogs were wearing booties! Very cute! For lunch we had delicious, peppermint chocolate hot soy milk! Thanks R.H., for carrying that thermos!

mapping the trail

doggies on the go

Darwin Awards

Two more candidates added to the long list, for the Darwin Awards....

Men shoot themselves in tattoo attempt

December 31, 2007

CHAPARRAL, N.M. --Getting a tattoo can be a painful proposition, but usually it's just the needle you have to worry about. Two men trying to trace a loaded .357-caliber Magnum as a pattern for a tattoo accidentally shot themselves, the Otero County Sheriff's Department said Monday.

Robert Glasser and Joey Acosta, both 22, were treated at a hospital in El Paso, Texas, after the shooting Thursday evening in nearby Chaparral.

Authorities said Glasser was struck in the hand when the gun accidentally went off, and Acosta was hit in the left arm. Their injuries were not life-threatening, authorities said.

© Copyright 2007 Associated Press.