The Dick Flick

The Dick Flick.
Every once in awhile, it's time to stop thinking about love and sit back and watch some macho action---killing, maiming, and revenge taking. I'm not enamored of the terminology-- 'dick flick', yet this seems to be the best title to describe this genre of film. Though often unrealistic & at times laughably stupid, the simple formula of the action picture provides solace to counter the slow moving emotional angst of real life.

Below are some of the rules of the 'Dick Flick,' & clips of two of my favorites--- any Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) movie, & the recent The Bourne Ultimatum. Last night I also watched The Shooter, which was fairly good.

1. The Hero in a 'dick flick' is a loner, though there usually is an attractive woman involved. She can hold her own & will be tough. She'll be sympathetic to our hero, & may be a partner in his schemes. If he has battle wounds, she will tend to them.

2. Ultimately 'the woman,' despite her boldness, will require our hero to save her at a critical moment.

3. The hero & the lady usually don't end up together at the end of the film. There's potential. There'll be a few scenes of intimate tension, but there' s no time for love in this movie. At the end they will part ways, because the hero must go on doing what a man must do.

4. The Hero is aligned with the good guys, but is an iconoclast. We're not sure if he's completely good. He doesn't follow the rules.

5. Our hero is usually more creative & talented than other men in the film, but does not get recognition. In fact he's chastised by others 'in his ranks.'

6. Often our hero has a male friend or partner, who dubiously believes in our hero. This man is a family man (unlike our hero), & plays by the rules. He usually dies.

7. Our hero will be often homeless, or, if he does have a home it will be a dark, stark apartment, or a lonely cabin in the wilderness.

8. Mass amounts of nondescript men will be killed by our hero throughout the movie, in increasingly numerous, gross & varied ways. But there'll be one male--"the arch nemesis" -- that will be the final battle. We're not sure our hero can beat this man.

9. While everyone else seems to die, our hero miraculously survives beatings, near drownings, car crashes, falls, & massive gunfire.

10. There will be a car chase. Since the car chase has been filmed 9000 times already, directors may get more creative these days. So there might be a scooter chase, boat chase, or helicopter chase.

11. At the end, our hero will stand amongst burning cars & dead bodies, but he'll be vindicated. He will have killed his enemies, secured justice, or gained respect from superiors.


You feel lucky, punk?