Stage 1
1. go to cheesy costume boutique
2. buy wings (see below)
3. choose waxy feathers well portioned to shoulders
4. choose white for angel; black for fallen angel
5. go home, take wings out of 'made in china' plastic bag
6. ignore fake plastic smell of feathers
7. place wings on shoulders & secure straps
8. adjust wings as needed; must be erect and square to shoulders
9. practice flying motion by slowly swaying arms and shoulders back & forth, in up & down motion
10. at this point you will hear magical, swooshy, fluttering sound
YOU ARE READY
Stage 2
1. go outside & climb upon scooter
2. rev up motor & enact the usual adjustments
3. alter rear-view mirrors to prepare for flying position
4. slowly edge bike forward
5. make sure you have a clear path ahead of you (about 300 yards)
6. make sure it is a fairly cloudless, blue-sky day
7. gain speed gradually
8. as you do, slowly pump shoulders & arms in a billowly motion
(surprisingly, a pop-a-wheelie stunt is not required here)
9. pretty soon, you'll take off!
ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE!!
Our fearless pilot
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